Pride and Disappointment

Dear son,

Today you disappointed me several times. You had five meltdowns before noon.  Crying, wailing, moaning, whining, saying "hey hey no waaaaaaaaaaaaaay!" (which is against the rules), and refusing to go where you needed to.  You had a rough morning.  They were rough on me, too.  I felt sorry for you that you couldn't cope not getting your way and that I couldn't find ways to compromise.

But you did something that made me really proud to be your mum today.  You cleaned up toys in the nursery when we needed to leave church, and none of the other (older!) children did this.  You picked up all the trucks and cars and lined them nicely on the shelf. I told you I was proud of you for being obedient and helpful and you LIT UP.  It was a special time for you.

The last four months have been chock full of difficult times for you since you have to do things you don't want to do, but you do have MANY more good times than bad.  You really do.  And there are whole spans of time - like six hours - where you are sweet and agreeable and obedient and funny.  When you are tired, hungry, annoyed by your sister, and prevented from going outside or brushing your teeth or pretending to drive the car or forced to sit when you don't want to - its bad news.

Its the times when you are so good that I realize... hey, he's actually only a rough pill every now and then and I appreciate you.

We are proud of you, son, and even when you disappoint us momentarily, there are so many times of redemption.  You apologize, you seem to understand when we talk to you about the consequences of negative behaviors, and you do try hard.  And no matter what you do or how you act, we do still love you and we always will love you.  Even if we are not proud of your actions, we still love you in that moment.  Its our job to show you Christ's love that is not dependent on performance or obedience... just to model a love that keeps loving and keeps hoping.

Love
Your mama